dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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