If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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