9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
