I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
