Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
