I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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