My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
