ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
