Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
