No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize