Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
