Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
