You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
