the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
