dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
