He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
