Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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