I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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