I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize