The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
