We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
