Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
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