i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
