Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
