Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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