I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
