i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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