Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
