just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
