Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
