I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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