Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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