im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
