thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
