Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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