Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
