Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
