my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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