Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
