tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
