my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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