i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
