They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
