if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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