i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
