I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
