I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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