her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
