It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
