Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
