you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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