HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
