Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
