Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
