I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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