Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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