So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
