Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
