Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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