I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
