I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
