I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
