Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
