I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
