i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
