i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
