i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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