she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
